Introducing Sex Toys to Your Relationship: A Beginner’s Guide

Bringing a toy into the bedroom is one of the easiest ways to add novelty, but the first hurdle is usually emotional, not practical. Done well, a toy is a shared bit of fun that takes pressure off both of you, not a comment on anyone’s performance.

Head off the “am I not enough?” worry

Frame it as something for both of you to enjoy together, not a replacement. A simple “I think this could be really fun for us” goes a long way. Toys add to the experience; they don’t compete with a partner.

Choosing your first toy

• Start simple and versatile, a small vibrator works for lots of people and bodies.
• Choose body-safe materials (100% silicone, ABS plastic) from a reputable brand.
• Rechargeable and quiet is nicer than it sounds.
• Browse it together, picking it out is part of the fun and makes it a shared decision.

Using it together

Introduce it as an addition to what you already enjoy rather than the main act. Let whoever’s receiving guide where and how much, keep a sense of humour if it feels novel at first, and have lube on hand, most toys feel better with it.

Not sure if your partner’s into it?

“Using toys together” is one of the things our quiz asks about, you each answer privately and it only shows a match if you’re both keen. A low-key way to find out before you ever set foot in a shop.