Introducing Sex Toys to Your Relationship: A Beginner’s Guide

Bringing a toy into the bedroom is one of the easiest ways to add novelty — but the first hurdle is usually emotional, not practical. Done well, a toy is a shared bit of fun that takes pressure off both of you, not a comment on anyone’s performance.

Head off the “am I not enough?” worry

Frame it as something for both of you to enjoy together, not a replacement. A simple “I think this could be really fun for us” goes a long way. Toys add to the experience — they don’t compete with a partner.

Choosing your first toy

• Start simple and versatile — a small vibrator works for lots of people and bodies.
• Choose body-safe materials (100% silicone, ABS plastic) from a reputable brand.
• Rechargeable and quiet is nicer than it sounds.
• Browse it together — picking it out is part of the fun and makes it a shared decision.

Using it together

Introduce it as an addition to what you already enjoy rather than the main act. Let whoever’s receiving guide where and how much, keep a sense of humour if it feels novel at first, and have lube on hand — most toys feel better with it.

Not sure if your partner’s into it?

“Using toys together” is one of the things our quiz asks about — you each answer privately and it only shows a match if you’re both keen. A low-key way to find out before you ever set foot in a shop.